Learning to Love, LOVE

Its been so many years since I wrote on this blog to my Love but I got a desire this morning to share.

When I started this blog, I also started my walk with Christ (Love) and I was fired UP for my relationship with Him.  It was pure and new and challenging but fun and I enjoyed the journey.  I was single, then I would end up dating someone who was not equally yoked with my faith, things would eventually fall out because I would have strong convictions from within.

I have talked about my struggles in previous blog posts but I might as well fill you in again, but I am a SURVIVOR of sexual assault which happened in my teens.  Many might see it as an excuse but for those who understand promiscuous behavior, it normally happens to survivors who felt like they didn't have any control of the assault. 

I tried to remain celibate for a few years after I have become SAVED and stayed away from men because I knew what my downfall was.   SEX was a void filler for me and I have never fully allowed someone to be close to my heart to love ME.   In all of my years, I had never been in love with God or a man.  I remain a virgin in my actions as far as being in love and feeling loved.   I chose men who were detached in their feelings since i was also detached. 

So as I took on the vow to be celibate until I got married until I found HIM in my next suitor which needed to be like minded in faith.

This is where I thought my EX husband was the one!!  Sadly, I was fooled, my discernment was off and fell into the WRONG relationship.  I connected myself with a spirit which I was not healthy for me.    I was not truly able to open up to the Lord anymore.  I blamed myself for not listening to those around me. 

I became disenchanted by life and loving God was much harder for me.  In both of my marriages felt very lonely and depressed.  But in my last marriage, I was embarrassed that it failed and I was the only one trying to save it.   I blamed myself as I had blamed myself for my assault.  I tried to pass over my feelings by avoiding my feelings but I was angry!!

The numerous failed relationships, made me broken as far as trying to be loved and farther away from loving, LOVE.  As much as I tried to hide my feelings, the more I rebelled and tried to kill my spirit and fell further into sin.  

It took me becoming pregnant with my daughter to really WAKE up and assess my life with God and with myself.   She was my fall out of sin.  She was my grace.  

The journey has been painful, revealing and required.  It allowed LOVE to enter my soul correctly. His ways is releasing me OUT from the murky waters I laid in.   I did the work with my therapist for months and found a new ME.  One who had to re-design what I see my life looking like in the future.  One with accountabilities which allows me to make mistakes but know that He is always protecting me.  One who wants to start over being single and make vows to be celibate until marriage to God's best.

This healing process is truly allowing me to love, Love differently.

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I haven't forgotten about you, Love

It's been one year since my last post and owwweeee much has changed but much has been the same.
My relationship with my Love has been challenging.
Many times you fall in love with Jesus and we make up stuff in our heads about what He is like, how you are supposed to act.
 We become this person He is probably looking around wondering WHAT DID I CREATE LOL

Well, I know for myself that I became someone I know would not enter into heaven.
I asked for forgiveness but I haven't always been forgave
I asked for trust but I haven't always been trustworthy
I asked for love but I haven't always been loveable
I asked for friendship but I haven't always been a friends

But one thing I was able to confirm during this person is that I am hater, meanie, gossiper, liar and I was just in the mix of sins which I remember I gave up my life to.

Thank God for His grace and mercy and repentance!
One day, I just woke up thinking you are not all that LADY, GET IT TOGETHER!
You may have forgotten about your Love!

I needed to start all over again with Jesus
I am still trying to fall back in Love with my Love

I am glad that I haven't forgotten about you, Love

Birthday Love

So today is my grandma's 82nd Birthday and I want to say so much about her and to her yet why is it so difficult?
Sometimes when we love someone so much it is hard for us to say the right things....either we forget, we are embarrassed or afraid to say what we think because we pray that the other end feels the same way about us.

I have never experienced that kind of love from my grandma...she is so selfless.  I can omit that I have not been selfless like her.   In fact, i have been selfish.lol    It reminds me of how I treat Jesus at times.   He keeps loving me unconditionally and we keep acting like He hasn't expressed his overwhelming love.

My grandma was my first interaction with my faith building.   I remember at 5 years old praying with her....She had a stack of prayers that she would unfold out of her address book and we would recite them together at 5:15 am every morning.  I enjoyed praying with her.   I learned how to be a prayer warrior from those early days.  It funny but she has started to read the same prayers to Alexander.

She was my first mentor...my grandma worked HARD every single day...she would made a full course Sunday meals before 10 am, we would have grandma and Stacy Saturday adventures.  I love them so much because they always ended up with me getting either pizza or McDonald's.   Smiling right now because I miss those days.

 I learned that you should play hard and work hard.   Our house was always filled with people and love.   It was amazing how she would extended family for years....we share a queen size bed together and we would whisper bedtime stories and talk until we both feel asleep.

Today, I am so grateful to have my grandma....I know she is getting older and I want to appreciate every day of her life because I only have one grandma.   I love her so.   So congratulates to my grandma Vilma Theresa Roach for adding another years onto your plate.

UnAshamed Love

I am not ashamed of my love for you.  I am not ashamed to worship you - Unknown Author

How many times I thought just by worshiping, crying and praising God... it would display of my love for Christ and to other.   As I sang to myself I am unashamed unashamed.........was I really unashamed?

The last couple of weeks, God has released me from a place of comfort to yet again "the land of unknown".
If I go back to my past, I am aware that He has all intentions of USING my testimony to encourage others who are in a place of confusion.   Should I follow this path of righteous or the path of enemy?
I know God wants me to testify that even when I fell/got hurt/was depressed...The Lord always has my back.    I want to authentically be real....the road is scary....the road is lonely...but the road is worth it!!   I rather be a Christians over knowing that when I leave this earth I will be in living in hell.

But to be honest, I have grown accustom to my ministry, to my church membership and no this entitlements which come with being a leader.   To now, being the new kid on the block....but God knows I am no new kid and that I am ready to preach about his goodness via internet, in person, on my blog, and just unashamed!!

Who wants to start all over especially when you feel as if you have developed relationships and served faithfully as well as willingly.   But in the back of my head, I feel like I deserve to PROVE something to others.    I am really being unashamed???  Or is this just my pride or me being disobedient to God's will?   Well, it is because there is nothing I need to do but Love my neighbor and serve the Lord with my whole heart.

The Jesus I served does not have to prove anything to anyone because He is Who is He is because HE IS......So in my new journey of change in my ministry (church life) I am ready to meet new faces, talk about how wonderful the Lord has bless me and my family and continue to be that different Christian.... the young shepherd boy David.    The hidden king amongst his brothers.......I pray that Lord uses me as I am but groom me into the women of many purposes.

Please send me some encouraging thoughts and/or comments!!  As I will continue to pray for you and your family!!

You are totally in control, Love!!

Last weekend, I went through a breakthrough.  I have heard the word breakthrough many of times in gospel songs and from pastors but I have never really understood the term.

But last weekend, I went through a BREAKTHROUGH.   I can only explain through my own experience.  But I went through a change in my soul....from feeling like I was stuck, responsible for everyone else lives, never being able to move into my dreams or my purpose and i just felt chained in the normalcy of life.     I went this freeing moment when I decided to believe what I was promised to me by the Lord Jesus Christ.

As the blind man scales fell from his eyes after Jesus touched them with mud....so were my scales of doubt, shame, depression, and lack of growth!!  I decided that it was my time and no one waiting for stuff to happen.     But once I said it to myself....it seemed like it was so simple until an hour later.....the FEAR came in.  LOL

I got so scared of leave my comfortability...what if what if settled in.     Well thank God for church!

As I entered church after 3 months hiatus.   I just wanted to be spectator, you know take my time to open up once again and to just be like everyone else.  I didn't want to be different.  

God decided to burst my bubble once again to remind me that He is in FULL control.

I watched the Pastor digest and spit out the Word to a point that I was like dang I want to be this kind of preacher one day.  The pastor was so on point that the Holy ghost fell and he started to prophetize.   At first, I was a little screwed face because I usually can spot false prophets a mile away.  But everything he towards others seemed to be towards me.  I just decided to listen....better yet I stated taking notes to cover up that fact that God was talking to me through the Pastor.   I kept hearing Walking it out.....letting go the shackles on your feet...Loose demons chains off of your feet.      I kept on writing down since it didn't seem like God was talking to me through the Pastor and then a women sitting in front of me turned around got out of her seat and walked towards me......remember I am in church....remember that the congregation is about roughly 150 people.....remember that the pastor was preaching and prophetizing.......all I remembered hearing....Hey YOU God is calling YOU to WALK now.....!!! 

I know that many of times, we Christians, do the exercise of being a good Christian.....We go to church, we read our Bibles and we might even praise or we might worship but we cannot forget that God knows our heart, our soul and HE knows US.   We cannot pretend with Him.   

I needed for God to put me in the spotlight to release those my scales that had blinded me from my future!  I needed for them to fall so I could grow.   I needed for the Lord to let me know that He has been watching me all this time.  I needed to hear from the Lord that He has always been with me and He heard my laughter and cries.  


I needed to know that my Father was in total control.

You are totally in control, Love!!

Keep on my love....loving

Recently, I have been feeling discouraged about love.  Why am I going through so much hurt and pain due to others not loving me in the same matter.   During one of my moments with God that He clearly said, " Keep on my love..loving!!

What does that MEAN? I SCREAMED? LOL  Keep on my love loving?


When I don't understand what God is trying to say I usually go to the Bible or continue to pray on the situation but The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 - Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.  Do everything in love."

A Hard pill to swallow when someone in your inner circle does not do the same....Do everything in love.
During an mentored moment by my aunt, she said something which struck a cord in me.... Do what Christ is requiring of you and more.  God would never leave you nor forsake you.


 In my flesh, I wanted to say but He has but in His Word clearly states He wants ME to  Do Everything in Love.      

I believe that Christ exhibits love on an another level which we will never fully experience on this Earth but at least we can TRY to love unconditionally.

Today, I ask that you Do everything in love. 

I am too afraid to love, Love?

For the past year, God has laid on my heart that I should do two things....create blogs speaking to other women and young girls about my story (testimony) and to inspire others to dig deeper into loving Him, my savior Jesus Christ.

I have been afraid that no one would read, listen or be interested.   You see my story isn't rosy.  No rose petals on the ground but I have years of pain, abuse and just living because God provided me with a promise.   His promise was that I would one day be a blessing to His Kingdom, that I would be in a successful relationships with a man and family, and that one day I would live abundantly.

I became afraid of that promise because what God was asking of me also to be exposed, to be real, to be open and to be honest.  All things that others have never been towards me.

I realized that what if I kept it real or exposed my heart to others or continued to be honest....will Love be there when folks start laughing at me?    Of course, He would but I was too afraid to say what I needed to say because I allowed the enemy to keep me fearful.  Being disobedience to Love is a no-no!!

I thank God for my husband, Mr. Romeo because his relentless pushing has annoyed me at times lol but he saw something in me that I wanted to hidden from the world.    I do have a shy, soft and sensitive side underneath this tough Brooklyn skin.....The biggest reason why I kept myself from this blog!

Because I was too afraid to love, Love?

You see.... I should know better that my God would NEVER leave me nor FORSAKE me.   Especially, when I am fulfilling His promise for my LIFE.  Duh!!!

 I am doing what He has created me to do and I do feel at peace right now.

So as of today, I have placed my entire life into His hands.  I will be writing, expressing and saying what He has asked me to say and do.   For in the end, He will be glorified!!

Awwww Love!!

So I have done a lot of things to Love, I have taken Him for granted, I have fell back in love with Love, turn my back on Love but Guess what Love always awwww loves me!

Recently, I have been re-evaluating my relationship with Love again....you see..... I got married in July and once you enter into a relationship with someone besides Love.   Well, He gets jealous! lol

He wants your attention on Him first and then the love from Him overflows into your relationship with others.

Sometimes I get it all wrong? LOL
I must admit it because my relationship with LOVE aka Jesus was a lil off balanced. But He loved enough to protect from worst, allowed me to lick my wounds and patted me on the butt and told me to keep going.

I am fortunate to have Christ as my savior and I am happy that He loves me even when I am unable to love myself.

I know I am rambling on today but awww Love is amazing.  I will be writing more on my Love.

Compassionate Love

You walk by the same unemployed or homeless person every day and never once said Hi or offer a quarter to him/her- Do you display compassion to your brothers/sisters?
A husband cheated on his wife but his wife stays with her husband and seeks restoration for their marriage. Should she be bitter towards her husband and not be compassionate even thru infidelity?
Folks you once considered, to be your friends, are now gossiping some of your personal business. Today, they have asked for your forgiveness, can you be compassionate towards them?
Recently, the Lord has placed on my heart the word compassion! Be compassionate! Show my love the way I do towards you! For years, I felt that people used my compassionate heart for being passive or a punk. I felt used for a while! I questioned why people would treat me cruel when all I did was display compassion!
But in this walk as a Christian, I am realizing that the Lord only rewards his saints and is never out to punish us. His heart is fully committed to being compassionate to his flock.
Matthew 1:41, " And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth [his] hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean".
What a perfect example of how compassion truly works! Jesus, not only, acted quickly to the needs of his people, he touched their heart with his love but here's the best part.... He cleanse them from inside out!Hallejuah!!!
Both parties received and accepted something through having compassion! Guess what???? What?? They were cleansed of their past strongholds and healed in the name of Jesus! Hallejuah!
What a bargain to gain! A two for one deal from the Almighty God We serve! Only Jesus can convict, heal and cleanse all at the same.So the next time, you question being compassionate towards someone else who didn't exchange the same spirit, think of Jesus! Remember Matthews 1:41.

Do you still love me?

There are times in our lives when you question whether or not the Lord Almighty truly loves you!!
I will be as transparent as possible because I truly understand and I am struggling with those very thoughts.

How can the Lord truly love me? Why would He place me into a whirlwind of emotions? Why would He allow me to watch the bottom fall out from underneath the very people I love so much? What is he trying to teach me in this season?

I am gangsta right(LOL) so I went into the spirtual realm with tough questions, some multiple questions, yes/no and a few essays. I wanted my answers ASAP because I was hurting at the time and needed normalcy to relieve me of the insanity of that period.

All in a sudden, I heard His voice saying, Why would you think I didn't love you.....Did I not create you and made you for my image alone? Don't you ever believe that I forgot my vows to you!! Do you not think I am not protecting you from harm even NOW.....Remember I am God!!

When I wasn't saved, when things occurred to me which were less than favorable I usually fought back with anger or cried out (Lord), " Hey WHY WHY WHY ME(Lord)?Or What did I do to deserve this?"

But now, I know that these things happen to anyone who truly confesses that Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior.

Strongholds, persecutions, gossiping, bickering, and division in the Kingdom of God all happen because we do not battle against flesh but against the evil doing of Satan.

As I cried out to God on the behalf of my family....my initial prayer started out just praising the Lord asking for protection. I noticed that I cared less about my hurt or pain but more about the people who were involved.

I felt His presence in a way that is unexplainable to express but one thing, I do know is that, God is truly interested in our well being.

So do you really want to know what I am thinking? I know that He loves me!!

Am I engaged, Love?

I am still pinching myself that I am engaged to be married to J!!
I haven't writing anything in almost a year because so much happened.

Brief summary......Met a counterfeit, things ended because the Lord was like oh you should have known better then I was back single again....then bingo my best friend and now my future husband got the official green light from God to court me!!

Yes, I am betrothed to J!! Yay Yippey Yay!!

Sounds quick right? But to be honest...the time was progressively slow before the green light. Since the pain I endured, inflicted by others but mainly by myself....I had to deal with those issues with my Love, Jesus Chrust.

I had to allow him to handle those tough days when I just wanted to be left alone and I didn't want those parts to be exposed. I needed to be married to Christ Jesus first before He would release me over to my future husband.

My Love did reveal to me 6 months prior that J was the one but I am so against it!! LOL You see J was the only man I had ever trusted as far as my feelings about Christ. I could discuss my love for my Love and he never questioned me. The other folks, were still trying to find their walk with Christ and I was always defending my relationship with God.
Yall know the story about unevenly yoked relationship BINGOOOOO!! LOL

In fact, J loved my Love more than I thought I did at times. He was open about his love for Jesus! For almost 7 years, he was faithful to God, obeyed the Lord, didn't date anyone in the church...... remained single until he was released to me. Something about him was attractive but I was happy that we were friends I wasn't even thinking about him in that matter. I was able to be myself around J. I allowed myself to be transparent. Part of my transparency made J resist asking me out prematurely. He wanted for me to be ready or just didn't think I was ready!! Either one, the Lord gave him the green light!! How amazing this process has been. I can only say every day I am in awe of the Lord love for me. I am so humble but I do deserve it!! Sorry I would be lying if I said something else. I deserve and I love being in love!! LOL greatness

I am loving my courtship process. I am enjoying it and not trying to get all deep or overanalyze what He has done or give advice as well......I am just trying to bask in my engagement with J and with Jesus!!

Purified Love

As I was packing my things for my move, I realized how much I am still holding on to the portion of my past. I was cleaning out most intimate drawer and discovered that I am not as "pure" as the vows I made with the Lord.

My sinful past was deep rooted into sexual immorality and although, I have not broken my vows with the Lord or my "future" husband, I covered past up with clean things.

Matthew 7:6 - Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Sometimes we as saints, try to think for God like God....you seem busy right now, so let me handle this for you....I think I got this!As we try to be God, the Devil sits and watches and creep up in our relationships and our finances and we allow it to happen. We try to protect God instead of the reverse.

I realized that by keeping some of those things in my drawers as a just in case of emergency..... to protect myself....I was not trusting God!

I expected to be weak and for God not to be around to rescue me or "protect" me from my own urges.
I am supposed to be celibate, so why would I need to protect myself and from what? The Lord is my supplier!!

This was another time I had to put 100% trust in the Lord.

Believe me, I was praying like crazy, like dang Jesus I might need this one day lol....but I really don't need anything more than I need Jesus. So Goodbye adios past Hello Future!

As I threw away those things, I felt a sense of relief to this decision. No more hidden closets/drawers. No more allowing the Devil peek a boo aka pandora box attempt.
No more blemishes no more past coming at me from the sidelines.

I am washed in the Blood of Jesus and I want to continue to work on remaining that way but can you say the same?

Is it happening, Love?

You know how you pray for something and when it appears you don't know what to do!
Like Lord is this for me? Like seriously? Something MUST be wrong with that person or the thing? Why NOW? LOL

Well, guess what, I am in that place right now.
I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide into the right hands.... as far as my ministries, as far as friends, as far as my careers, as far as being a good mother to Big A, and as far as one day being someone's wife.



For so long - I have been reading this same scripture over and over, " Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path" Psalm 27:11.

But now that I am closer to my prayers being answered, I am feeling tempted to do my own thing.
Like thanks, Jesus for getting me here, but I think I should drive the rest of the way. And the Lord is like huh you are not ready to drive this mega truck!! I will continue you sit down and stop worrying your little head!! Relax yourself LOL

But is it happening, Love? I thank you in advance for your grace and your mercy.

So you ain't got no man, love?

No No and in Spanish NO!!!


I think it must be a foreign to folks, who thought they knew me, to believe that I am SINGLE.
I would consider myself to have been a serial dater or a serious heartbreaker in my unsaved life.

Once I became saved, I felt like I was always defending my walk about how serious I was. Many residue (former partners) kept popping up, testing my realness with flirtation tactics or bringing up my past like hmm, you ain't no nun!

But those folks were hoping that my new lifestyle as a sister in Christ would be a fad. Betting on my failure and luckily for his favor on my life. Well, I made it!! I am making it and only with the grace from my Lord Jesus Christ can I continue to do so such.

No, I don't just want A man. I want to be someone's missing rib! I want an everlasting relationship with my future mate. But as of current, I still got some bags to be delivered to the Salvation Army. lol

My Puss Face

I have been pondering this entry since my two close friend's got married over the weekend.
Like a stratch record, I heard yet again about my puss face. My serious face aka my Mean face aka My Daria face)

My puss face even has nicknames which birthed Brooklyn, Ms Stank and The Black Daria.

I remember as a little kid (4 years old), my mother and grandmother being told,"Wow, she is so serious and quiet." And this concern was really a compliment to my family so I thought yeah keep them happy.

Another flashback, I was eight on a summer vacation in Trinidad. my father entered me into a fashion show contest. My mother protested. She said to my father, " hmm Stacy is going to embarass you? And my father thought she has more clothes than all of these little girls in this village.....she is going to model!


Hence in America, models do not smile while walking down the runaway. I decided I would walk like an American model. I thought my family would be proud. I didn't realize that they had entered me into a GHETTO Trini children contest. With the neck popping and the hips swinging. Needless to say, my dad and mom was not feeling me. I lost to a little girl from a third world country with absolutely no clothes.

I think the official puss face started from there.
I thought smiling was phoney. People only smile when they want something and to appease you...they smile.
So I disliked smiling. I would crack a smile after a good joke but never with a long smile. My doctor once told me you are already getting frown lines on your face....Smile

I was staring at her like huh I am good. Just not planning to smile like a dang fool to make YOU happy. LOL

Majority of the time, my puss face has nothing to do with what I am thinking.
I am usually thinking, hmm I wonder if, I can get that discount from CVS or I hope I am not late for Alex.....you know, nothing BIG!

But the minority of the time, everyone tries to reflect on puss face where I am in another world.
Like Dang, she is mean!
I am not talkative person with strangers....I am sorry, I still believe in not talking to strangers. LOL
I am very shy and a sensitive person. So this is why the statement about my puss face bothers me. Really who smiles all the time except for a clown? And what are you really hiding underneath that mask?

If nothing, then same here....I have a puss face but it is what it is! Now if I steups, rolling my eyes, or a lot of steam coming from my face. Run Forrest Run!! LOL

Dance Love Dance!!

Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.
Forget your worries and submit them thru dance.
Dance yourself into your own greatness.
The Lord is on his throne and he is watching you.....
Dance!

Dance like today is your last day on this earth!
Dance because of your new joy and the promises which have been given to you
Dance, that bitterness off!
Dust your shoulders off and keep your dance going!
Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.

See only your audience member, Christ!
No one came to see you but him.
oh how amazing is that?
He paid to see you and the price for admission cost was high
His light is shining on the stage.
Dance
The darkness of the auditorium, dimness and you are nervous to dance in front of HIM.
But when the lights came on you missed a step but you kept dancing
He watched your every move and applauded!
He loved your dance
Keep Dancing like David danced!
Dance Dance Dance!!

Forgive me please, Love?

Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Our relationship has been strained recently.
I have not been at your feet, asking for your guidance in a while.
I keep wanting not to bother you with my troubles.
I try to do it on my own and not speak with you.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?

Some of my past crept into my present
But I want to remove all of my doubts
I want to love you the way you love me
I want to understand you more
I want to be intimate with you again
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?

Oh how I need to devote more time to you
Oh how I need you so
Can you please forgive me?
Can you please give me one more chance?
I won't say that I won't do it again because I would be lying
but my heart wants to so much prove to you how sorry I am
I want you to know that I don't plan on hurting you again.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?

Stop moving, love!!!

If anyone truly knows me, I am always on the run. I think it has to do with my childhood.
From the age of 12-14 years old, I suffered from loneliness because I was not allowed to go outside. I had to play alone so I was a bit sheltered. I would look out my 7th floor window and streams of envious tears would come down my cheeks cause I wanted to be outside. I felt so different for the rest of the kids. I wanted to fit in.
My puberty stage was very awkward....my feet were too big, my mother gave me a Afro/punk rock hairstyle, skipped a grade so I was in an exclusive class in an all black Middle School... hmm, I didn't have that many friends except for two or three and they were mad quiet.

I decided that I was going to rebel and in my rebellious stage I distanced myself from God.
In my eyes, hmmm why would GOD want me to be unhappy, why would he keep me sad and alone.....why did I deserve this??? Although, it was only HIM who keep my grades were extremely high, gave me favor, who I would talk and share my dreams. I wanted OUT of that relationship.....it seemed boring. Look at everyone's having FUN FUN FUN.....Fun I thought!!


Satan offered me what I thought was a way out, but that way OUT was away from God's kingdom. And hello, do you know I was more sad, depressed, lonely without that relationship I kicked to the curb with my precious Lord. But hey, I was MOVING so I thought.

So while I was on the GO....God was screaming - Wait on me- Stop Moving, Love!! I was not trying to hear HIM. So many things happened in my moving days.....some I have shared already and others which I has been left at the altar. Let God deal with those burdens - I will admit I was not strong enough to fight those battles without God.

I thought enough was enough and wanted to bond back with God. Cause I remember those days just hanging out with him. I was so innocent just happy to be in his presence....so grateful so in love.....dealing with him alone. That's the day I gave my life back to him - God restored my life - I promised God that I would do what was expected of me.

Well, two weeks ago, I felt God saying to me Stop Moving, Love!! Stand Still....Forget about man, your friends, SEEK my FACE!! Stop moving, Love!!

I paused and just distanced myself from folks - intentionally because when I was alone and I didn't have anyone there for me but God!!
But a part of me was being that rebellious fool because I didn't want to be "alone" again. I wanted the lesson to be learned quickly. I wanted to keep it MOVING.

It didn't happen that way....I fell literally and not only did I fall again.....I fell hard and got injured in the process. You see the lesson was that I was getting too "vain", selfish, and showing off on my many blessings in the present and on the future. I was so hyped that my head got a bigger than my shoulders.....I started broading my shoulders and boommm - I fell!! I cannot even say what I was thinking before I fell but it was not Godly!! But that pain become a reminder that the only shoulder that should be broaden is from GOD's not mine.

God said "Let them see you transparently as I do....let them see how beautiful you appear to me......Stop moving, Love!! And SEEK me only. You need to stop moving, stop worrying cause everything is ok cause I got you, stop listening to other people they ain't ME, stop believing the Devil he wants to kill and destroy you, Humble yourself in my sight now......Stop Moving, Love!!

Stop Moving, Love!!

Testimonial Love

So after my testimony on New Year's Eve at church, I was having such a good time. God just anointed me to a point I have never experienced or could express in words. I felt like I was dancing with Jesus just lettting him know how much I LOVE HIM. How much he has brought me through and how he is so amazing. I had my Moses glow after he came out of the mountains lol and my David praise one. I was in that place with Jesus for like three days and then Satan sent his troops back at me in FULL force.

My testimony totally exposed me to so many demonic forces from my past or just a new breed of wickedness.

I felt Satan's presence and I tried to praise the Lord but stimulateously, I was fasting all types of music as well as givin up TV during the weekday (6 months) YIKES.

Well Satan had his opportunity to try to trip me up mentally. He got in for a minute I must admit because my prayer/worship life seemed to suffer because I was able to listen to gospel music. I started feeling a little distant but I kept speaking life into myself by my writings and also my discussions alone.
Finally, yesterday as I was walking into the sanctuary, I asked the Lord for a sign and for his presence to show up in my life in a mighty way. I needed him so much at that time.

As I was sitting in service, I was just listening to everything being done and looking for clues from the Lord to snap me out of my funk. And when I was not even expected it, one of my church friends came over to me during altar call and said come with me.

Oh, how Amazing is my God? How is that possible? He uses people, things and memories to align you back to his Word. Oh, as I cried out to him he answered my prayers. He has never failed me yet. That moment at the altar has allowed me to place all of my issues at his feet. I know he will do all that is supposed to be done. I leave it in his hands completely.