Stop moving, love!!!

If anyone truly knows me, I am always on the run. I think it has to do with my childhood.
From the age of 12-14 years old, I suffered from loneliness because I was not allowed to go outside. I had to play alone so I was a bit sheltered. I would look out my 7th floor window and streams of envious tears would come down my cheeks cause I wanted to be outside. I felt so different for the rest of the kids. I wanted to fit in.
My puberty stage was very awkward....my feet were too big, my mother gave me a Afro/punk rock hairstyle, skipped a grade so I was in an exclusive class in an all black Middle School... hmm, I didn't have that many friends except for two or three and they were mad quiet.

I decided that I was going to rebel and in my rebellious stage I distanced myself from God.
In my eyes, hmmm why would GOD want me to be unhappy, why would he keep me sad and alone.....why did I deserve this??? Although, it was only HIM who keep my grades were extremely high, gave me favor, who I would talk and share my dreams. I wanted OUT of that relationship.....it seemed boring. Look at everyone's having FUN FUN FUN.....Fun I thought!!


Satan offered me what I thought was a way out, but that way OUT was away from God's kingdom. And hello, do you know I was more sad, depressed, lonely without that relationship I kicked to the curb with my precious Lord. But hey, I was MOVING so I thought.

So while I was on the GO....God was screaming - Wait on me- Stop Moving, Love!! I was not trying to hear HIM. So many things happened in my moving days.....some I have shared already and others which I has been left at the altar. Let God deal with those burdens - I will admit I was not strong enough to fight those battles without God.

I thought enough was enough and wanted to bond back with God. Cause I remember those days just hanging out with him. I was so innocent just happy to be in his presence....so grateful so in love.....dealing with him alone. That's the day I gave my life back to him - God restored my life - I promised God that I would do what was expected of me.

Well, two weeks ago, I felt God saying to me Stop Moving, Love!! Stand Still....Forget about man, your friends, SEEK my FACE!! Stop moving, Love!!

I paused and just distanced myself from folks - intentionally because when I was alone and I didn't have anyone there for me but God!!
But a part of me was being that rebellious fool because I didn't want to be "alone" again. I wanted the lesson to be learned quickly. I wanted to keep it MOVING.

It didn't happen that way....I fell literally and not only did I fall again.....I fell hard and got injured in the process. You see the lesson was that I was getting too "vain", selfish, and showing off on my many blessings in the present and on the future. I was so hyped that my head got a bigger than my shoulders.....I started broading my shoulders and boommm - I fell!! I cannot even say what I was thinking before I fell but it was not Godly!! But that pain become a reminder that the only shoulder that should be broaden is from GOD's not mine.

God said "Let them see you transparently as I do....let them see how beautiful you appear to me......Stop moving, Love!! And SEEK me only. You need to stop moving, stop worrying cause everything is ok cause I got you, stop listening to other people they ain't ME, stop believing the Devil he wants to kill and destroy you, Humble yourself in my sight now......Stop Moving, Love!!

Stop Moving, Love!!

Testimonial Love

So after my testimony on New Year's Eve at church, I was having such a good time. God just anointed me to a point I have never experienced or could express in words. I felt like I was dancing with Jesus just lettting him know how much I LOVE HIM. How much he has brought me through and how he is so amazing. I had my Moses glow after he came out of the mountains lol and my David praise one. I was in that place with Jesus for like three days and then Satan sent his troops back at me in FULL force.

My testimony totally exposed me to so many demonic forces from my past or just a new breed of wickedness.

I felt Satan's presence and I tried to praise the Lord but stimulateously, I was fasting all types of music as well as givin up TV during the weekday (6 months) YIKES.

Well Satan had his opportunity to try to trip me up mentally. He got in for a minute I must admit because my prayer/worship life seemed to suffer because I was able to listen to gospel music. I started feeling a little distant but I kept speaking life into myself by my writings and also my discussions alone.
Finally, yesterday as I was walking into the sanctuary, I asked the Lord for a sign and for his presence to show up in my life in a mighty way. I needed him so much at that time.

As I was sitting in service, I was just listening to everything being done and looking for clues from the Lord to snap me out of my funk. And when I was not even expected it, one of my church friends came over to me during altar call and said come with me.

Oh, how Amazing is my God? How is that possible? He uses people, things and memories to align you back to his Word. Oh, as I cried out to him he answered my prayers. He has never failed me yet. That moment at the altar has allowed me to place all of my issues at his feet. I know he will do all that is supposed to be done. I leave it in his hands completely.

It's a New Year, LOVE

From 10 pm of December 31, 2008 until now, I felt this shift in my spirit of peace. As if I fully gave God FULL control of my life. I just felt him lift off all of the pain, strongholds, the bitterness, resentments, and just my past leave my soul. Oh oh oh how I dance like David for the Lord. Oh how I love him my LOVE so....there is no one more worthy for your deserving praise. Hallejuah!!

Comedic Love

I think when God created me, probably said, "Let's sprinkle some intelligence, some looks lol, a little or oh no I think we might have to use the whole bottle of humor on this one! LOL

Honesty, I remember from the age of 5, I was performing with my friends or my adult extending aunts and uncles who came from Trinidad & Tobago. You see my mother & grandma had more immigrants which bunked in our house more than Harriet Tubman had runaway slaves. lol

It seems that every refugee or "visitor" who arrives in the States lol, would lie to my mother and grandma that they only needed to stay at our house for two weeks to get themselves together. Well, that never happened because they always stayed pass two weeks. Let's say almost 20 years lol
I never had my own bed officially until I was 17, I do believe around that time, sleeping with your grandmother became LAME lol Now you see why I did not have a boyfriend until that age.

But anywho, I would seem quiet around folks but I was paying attention to dialect for jokes, odd features/appearances and etc. I can do a mean impressions of folks around me.
My nickname in which i am most fond of is Crazy Stacy lol. And I checked with my mental health doctor and I am not mental, yet, I just know folks gravitate to my foolishness. LOL Right now, my bed is calling me like R. Kels lol

Dear Love - submission early 2008

Dear Love,

I know you probably would never understand how I feel about you but you should since you are a man of God. Before I was saved, I used to put all of my efforts into the wrong kind of man. Until God rescued me from those strongholds of hurt and pain and lack of trust. I fell back in love with the Lord and in that I fell in love with myself.

But never would i have thought I would have fallen in love with you? It seems as if I met you centuries ago. As if, we were designed JUST for one another.

But again God knows everything that is in my heart so I leave it only in his hands if we were supposed to become a reality. There are times I just get the desire to pray for you.

Sometimes I go into my own dreamland like 'Oh I know the heavens dance every time they see his handsome face.'

But you are not just handsome, you are intelligent, gentle but strong, assertive but down to earth but I forgot to say this you love you some Jesus. Let me say that again lol does everybody know Dear Love, LOVE him some Jesus!! But you know what??? Jesus loves him some Dear Love. It shows in your walk with him.

I look at you in amazement. I pinch myself because you seem so surreal to me. I want you to know that I have prayed for you before you never existed. I prayed for someone just like you and once you appeared I could not believe it.

I would watch your mannerism from afar. It allowed me to see if you were truthful in your walk. I saw you hold babies, worship, and laugh all at the same time with ease. I am so blessed to have met you. You have truly allowed me to witness that there is a God. That God heard my cries, "Oh Lord I have been faithful to you, haven't I? Will I ever find a true Dear Love?"

Mostly likely you will never receive my letter or never know that this letter was only for you, Dear Love.

Before the end of my Love

So I wrote this letter to my future man of God. I would read it and start crying. It was so beautiful and really exposed my love for the man who does exist but doesn't exist in my life as of yet. As I wait for him but not urging for him because I feel his existence. I became afraid to share my feelings with others.
I have a hard time sharing my feelings because the wrong people have tried to use it for their advantage. Now I feel the Lord nudging me to share my letter to everyone. Oh I wish I never wrote it lol but it was my true feelings on paper.
I used to be so afraid to open up and allow others to know what I was feeling.

I was a nerd all of my life , my last name allowed me to be constantly teased and I was always considered cute like a puppy. I had some self-esteem issues for most of elementary until HS when I just decided that enough was enough.
I remember looking at the mirror at 12 saying look at you. you are so ugly nobody would want you. It took years and years of tragedy in my life for me to identify myself as beautiful and worthwhile for a man spending the rest of his life with me.
Yes, I was married but I knew it was not going to be forever. I knew that from the day he proposed. Any who I am still avoiding the submission. I will place it on here but I will need your comments afterwards. Peace and blessing.

Confessional Love

Recently, I have been confessing my love for Jesus more but only to him. I have been embarassed to say this. But I start off with a small praise which ends up with me crying, snotty nose but filled with joy. The Lord has done some amazing things with me in JUST one year. Can you believe he has been using me like clay? Molding me into his designed beauty.


He pulled me out of a failed relationships, a nervous breakdown, meaningless job, no employment, brought me closer to him!! And all was through my trust in him!! All things seem possible now. But my confessions have been so important to me. I feel my life blossoming, my life in his hands and just his blessings on my life. Oh how I praise him! Oh how he has sustained me!!! Oh how he has protected me from diseases and other illnesses which could have taken my life!!! Oh how he has taken me from being a sinner with his grace and mercy on my life.

I confess to him all the trials and tribulations that he saw me go thru but he knew and knows he got a better situation for me. I pray he uses me at his will. I follow with absolute submission. I cry out to him use me LORD use me!! My weariness is nothing cause it is temporary. I know I have you!!