I am still pinching myself that I am engaged to be married to J!!
I haven't writing anything in almost a year because so much happened.
Brief summary......Met a counterfeit, things ended because the Lord was like oh you should have known better then I was back single again....then bingo my best friend and now my future husband got the official green light from God to court me!!
Yes, I am betrothed to J!! Yay Yippey Yay!!
Sounds quick right? But to be honest...the time was progressively slow before the green light. Since the pain I endured, inflicted by others but mainly by myself....I had to deal with those issues with my Love, Jesus Chrust.
I had to allow him to handle those tough days when I just wanted to be left alone and I didn't want those parts to be exposed. I needed to be married to Christ Jesus first before He would release me over to my future husband.
My Love did reveal to me 6 months prior that J was the one but I am so against it!! LOL You see J was the only man I had ever trusted as far as my feelings about Christ. I could discuss my love for my Love and he never questioned me. The other folks, were still trying to find their walk with Christ and I was always defending my relationship with God.
Yall know the story about unevenly yoked relationship BINGOOOOO!! LOL
In fact, J loved my Love more than I thought I did at times. He was open about his love for Jesus! For almost 7 years, he was faithful to God, obeyed the Lord, didn't date anyone in the church...... remained single until he was released to me. Something about him was attractive but I was happy that we were friends I wasn't even thinking about him in that matter. I was able to be myself around J. I allowed myself to be transparent. Part of my transparency made J resist asking me out prematurely. He wanted for me to be ready or just didn't think I was ready!! Either one, the Lord gave him the green light!! How amazing this process has been. I can only say every day I am in awe of the Lord love for me. I am so humble but I do deserve it!! Sorry I would be lying if I said something else. I deserve and I love being in love!! LOL greatness
I am loving my courtship process. I am enjoying it and not trying to get all deep or overanalyze what He has done or give advice as well......I am just trying to bask in my engagement with J and with Jesus!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Purified Love
As I was packing my things for my move, I realized how much I am still holding on to the portion of my past. I was cleaning out most intimate drawer and discovered that I am not as "pure" as the vows I made with the Lord.
My sinful past was deep rooted into sexual immorality and although, I have not broken my vows with the Lord or my "future" husband, I covered past up with clean things.
Matthew 7:6 - Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
Sometimes we as saints, try to think for God like God....you seem busy right now, so let me handle this for you....I think I got this!As we try to be God, the Devil sits and watches and creep up in our relationships and our finances and we allow it to happen. We try to protect God instead of the reverse.
I realized that by keeping some of those things in my drawers as a just in case of emergency..... to protect myself....I was not trusting God!
I expected to be weak and for God not to be around to rescue me or "protect" me from my own urges.
I am supposed to be celibate, so why would I need to protect myself and from what? The Lord is my supplier!!
This was another time I had to put 100% trust in the Lord.
Believe me, I was praying like crazy, like dang Jesus I might need this one day lol....but I really don't need anything more than I need Jesus. So Goodbye adios past Hello Future!
As I threw away those things, I felt a sense of relief to this decision. No more hidden closets/drawers. No more allowing the Devil peek a boo aka pandora box attempt.
No more blemishes no more past coming at me from the sidelines.
I am washed in the Blood of Jesus and I want to continue to work on remaining that way but can you say the same?
My sinful past was deep rooted into sexual immorality and although, I have not broken my vows with the Lord or my "future" husband, I covered past up with clean things.
Matthew 7:6 - Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
Sometimes we as saints, try to think for God like God....you seem busy right now, so let me handle this for you....I think I got this!As we try to be God, the Devil sits and watches and creep up in our relationships and our finances and we allow it to happen. We try to protect God instead of the reverse.
I realized that by keeping some of those things in my drawers as a just in case of emergency..... to protect myself....I was not trusting God!
I expected to be weak and for God not to be around to rescue me or "protect" me from my own urges.
I am supposed to be celibate, so why would I need to protect myself and from what? The Lord is my supplier!!
This was another time I had to put 100% trust in the Lord.
Believe me, I was praying like crazy, like dang Jesus I might need this one day lol....but I really don't need anything more than I need Jesus. So Goodbye adios past Hello Future!
As I threw away those things, I felt a sense of relief to this decision. No more hidden closets/drawers. No more allowing the Devil peek a boo aka pandora box attempt.
No more blemishes no more past coming at me from the sidelines.
I am washed in the Blood of Jesus and I want to continue to work on remaining that way but can you say the same?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Is it happening, Love?
You know how you pray for something and when it appears you don't know what to do!
Like Lord is this for me? Like seriously? Something MUST be wrong with that person or the thing? Why NOW? LOL
Well, guess what, I am in that place right now.
I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide into the right hands.... as far as my ministries, as far as friends, as far as my careers, as far as being a good mother to Big A, and as far as one day being someone's wife.
For so long - I have been reading this same scripture over and over, " Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path" Psalm 27:11.
But now that I am closer to my prayers being answered, I am feeling tempted to do my own thing.
Like thanks, Jesus for getting me here, but I think I should drive the rest of the way. And the Lord is like huh you are not ready to drive this mega truck!! I will continue you sit down and stop worrying your little head!! Relax yourself LOL
But is it happening, Love? I thank you in advance for your grace and your mercy.
Like Lord is this for me? Like seriously? Something MUST be wrong with that person or the thing? Why NOW? LOL
Well, guess what, I am in that place right now.
I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide into the right hands.... as far as my ministries, as far as friends, as far as my careers, as far as being a good mother to Big A, and as far as one day being someone's wife.
For so long - I have been reading this same scripture over and over, " Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path" Psalm 27:11.
But now that I am closer to my prayers being answered, I am feeling tempted to do my own thing.
Like thanks, Jesus for getting me here, but I think I should drive the rest of the way. And the Lord is like huh you are not ready to drive this mega truck!! I will continue you sit down and stop worrying your little head!! Relax yourself LOL
But is it happening, Love? I thank you in advance for your grace and your mercy.
Friday, March 13, 2009
So you ain't got no man, love?
No No and in Spanish NO!!!
I think it must be a foreign to folks, who thought they knew me, to believe that I am SINGLE.
I would consider myself to have been a serial dater or a serious heartbreaker in my unsaved life.
Once I became saved, I felt like I was always defending my walk about how serious I was. Many residue (former partners) kept popping up, testing my realness with flirtation tactics or bringing up my past like hmm, you ain't no nun!
But those folks were hoping that my new lifestyle as a sister in Christ would be a fad. Betting on my failure and luckily for his favor on my life. Well, I made it!! I am making it and only with the grace from my Lord Jesus Christ can I continue to do so such.
No, I don't just want A man. I want to be someone's missing rib! I want an everlasting relationship with my future mate. But as of current, I still got some bags to be delivered to the Salvation Army. lol
I think it must be a foreign to folks, who thought they knew me, to believe that I am SINGLE.
I would consider myself to have been a serial dater or a serious heartbreaker in my unsaved life.
Once I became saved, I felt like I was always defending my walk about how serious I was. Many residue (former partners) kept popping up, testing my realness with flirtation tactics or bringing up my past like hmm, you ain't no nun!
But those folks were hoping that my new lifestyle as a sister in Christ would be a fad. Betting on my failure and luckily for his favor on my life. Well, I made it!! I am making it and only with the grace from my Lord Jesus Christ can I continue to do so such.
No, I don't just want A man. I want to be someone's missing rib! I want an everlasting relationship with my future mate. But as of current, I still got some bags to be delivered to the Salvation Army. lol
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
My Puss Face
I have been pondering this entry since my two close friend's got married over the weekend.
Like a stratch record, I heard yet again about my puss face. My serious face aka my Mean face aka My Daria face)
My puss face even has nicknames which birthed Brooklyn, Ms Stank and The Black Daria.
I remember as a little kid (4 years old), my mother and grandmother being told,"Wow, she is so serious and quiet." And this concern was really a compliment to my family so I thought yeah keep them happy.
Another flashback, I was eight on a summer vacation in Trinidad. my father entered me into a fashion show contest. My mother protested. She said to my father, " hmm Stacy is going to embarass you? And my father thought she has more clothes than all of these little girls in this village.....she is going to model!
Hence in America, models do not smile while walking down the runaway. I decided I would walk like an American model. I thought my family would be proud. I didn't realize that they had entered me into a GHETTO Trini children contest. With the neck popping and the hips swinging. Needless to say, my dad and mom was not feeling me. I lost to a little girl from a third world country with absolutely no clothes.
I think the official puss face started from there.
I thought smiling was phoney. People only smile when they want something and to appease you...they smile.
So I disliked smiling. I would crack a smile after a good joke but never with a long smile. My doctor once told me you are already getting frown lines on your face....Smile
I was staring at her like huh I am good. Just not planning to smile like a dang fool to make YOU happy. LOL
Majority of the time, my puss face has nothing to do with what I am thinking.
I am usually thinking, hmm I wonder if, I can get that discount from CVS or I hope I am not late for Alex.....you know, nothing BIG!
But the minority of the time, everyone tries to reflect on puss face where I am in another world.
Like Dang, she is mean!
I am not talkative person with strangers....I am sorry, I still believe in not talking to strangers. LOL
I am very shy and a sensitive person. So this is why the statement about my puss face bothers me. Really who smiles all the time except for a clown? And what are you really hiding underneath that mask?
If nothing, then same here....I have a puss face but it is what it is! Now if I steups, rolling my eyes, or a lot of steam coming from my face. Run Forrest Run!! LOL
Like a stratch record, I heard yet again about my puss face. My serious face aka my Mean face aka My Daria face)
My puss face even has nicknames which birthed Brooklyn, Ms Stank and The Black Daria.
I remember as a little kid (4 years old), my mother and grandmother being told,"Wow, she is so serious and quiet." And this concern was really a compliment to my family so I thought yeah keep them happy.
Another flashback, I was eight on a summer vacation in Trinidad. my father entered me into a fashion show contest. My mother protested. She said to my father, " hmm Stacy is going to embarass you? And my father thought she has more clothes than all of these little girls in this village.....she is going to model!
Hence in America, models do not smile while walking down the runaway. I decided I would walk like an American model. I thought my family would be proud. I didn't realize that they had entered me into a GHETTO Trini children contest. With the neck popping and the hips swinging. Needless to say, my dad and mom was not feeling me. I lost to a little girl from a third world country with absolutely no clothes.
I think the official puss face started from there.
I thought smiling was phoney. People only smile when they want something and to appease you...they smile.
So I disliked smiling. I would crack a smile after a good joke but never with a long smile. My doctor once told me you are already getting frown lines on your face....Smile
I was staring at her like huh I am good. Just not planning to smile like a dang fool to make YOU happy. LOL
Majority of the time, my puss face has nothing to do with what I am thinking.
I am usually thinking, hmm I wonder if, I can get that discount from CVS or I hope I am not late for Alex.....you know, nothing BIG!
But the minority of the time, everyone tries to reflect on puss face where I am in another world.
Like Dang, she is mean!
I am not talkative person with strangers....I am sorry, I still believe in not talking to strangers. LOL
I am very shy and a sensitive person. So this is why the statement about my puss face bothers me. Really who smiles all the time except for a clown? And what are you really hiding underneath that mask?
If nothing, then same here....I have a puss face but it is what it is! Now if I steups, rolling my eyes, or a lot of steam coming from my face. Run Forrest Run!! LOL
Friday, February 27, 2009
Dance Love Dance!!
Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.
Forget your worries and submit them thru dance.
Dance yourself into your own greatness.
The Lord is on his throne and he is watching you.....
Dance!
Dance like today is your last day on this earth!
Dance because of your new joy and the promises which have been given to you
Dance, that bitterness off!
Dust your shoulders off and keep your dance going!
Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.
See only your audience member, Christ!
No one came to see you but him.
oh how amazing is that?
He paid to see you and the price for admission cost was high
His light is shining on the stage.
Dance
The darkness of the auditorium, dimness and you are nervous to dance in front of HIM.
But when the lights came on you missed a step but you kept dancing
He watched your every move and applauded!
He loved your dance
Keep Dancing like David danced!
Dance Dance Dance!!
Dance like David danced.
Forget your worries and submit them thru dance.
Dance yourself into your own greatness.
The Lord is on his throne and he is watching you.....
Dance!
Dance like today is your last day on this earth!
Dance because of your new joy and the promises which have been given to you
Dance, that bitterness off!
Dust your shoulders off and keep your dance going!
Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.
See only your audience member, Christ!
No one came to see you but him.
oh how amazing is that?
He paid to see you and the price for admission cost was high
His light is shining on the stage.
Dance
The darkness of the auditorium, dimness and you are nervous to dance in front of HIM.
But when the lights came on you missed a step but you kept dancing
He watched your every move and applauded!
He loved your dance
Keep Dancing like David danced!
Dance Dance Dance!!
Forgive me please, Love?
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Our relationship has been strained recently.
I have not been at your feet, asking for your guidance in a while.
I keep wanting not to bother you with my troubles.
I try to do it on my own and not speak with you.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Some of my past crept into my present
But I want to remove all of my doubts
I want to love you the way you love me
I want to understand you more
I want to be intimate with you again
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Oh how I need to devote more time to you
Oh how I need you so
Can you please forgive me?
Can you please give me one more chance?
I won't say that I won't do it again because I would be lying
but my heart wants to so much prove to you how sorry I am
I want you to know that I don't plan on hurting you again.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Our relationship has been strained recently.
I have not been at your feet, asking for your guidance in a while.
I keep wanting not to bother you with my troubles.
I try to do it on my own and not speak with you.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Some of my past crept into my present
But I want to remove all of my doubts
I want to love you the way you love me
I want to understand you more
I want to be intimate with you again
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Oh how I need to devote more time to you
Oh how I need you so
Can you please forgive me?
Can you please give me one more chance?
I won't say that I won't do it again because I would be lying
but my heart wants to so much prove to you how sorry I am
I want you to know that I don't plan on hurting you again.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
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