Birthday Love

So today is my grandma's 82nd Birthday and I want to say so much about her and to her yet why is it so difficult?
Sometimes when we love someone so much it is hard for us to say the right things....either we forget, we are embarrassed or afraid to say what we think because we pray that the other end feels the same way about us.

I have never experienced that kind of love from my grandma...she is so selfless.  I can omit that I have not been selfless like her.   In fact, i have been selfish.lol    It reminds me of how I treat Jesus at times.   He keeps loving me unconditionally and we keep acting like He hasn't expressed his overwhelming love.

My grandma was my first interaction with my faith building.   I remember at 5 years old praying with her....She had a stack of prayers that she would unfold out of her address book and we would recite them together at 5:15 am every morning.  I enjoyed praying with her.   I learned how to be a prayer warrior from those early days.  It funny but she has started to read the same prayers to Alexander.

She was my first mentor...my grandma worked HARD every single day...she would made a full course Sunday meals before 10 am, we would have grandma and Stacy Saturday adventures.  I love them so much because they always ended up with me getting either pizza or McDonald's.   Smiling right now because I miss those days.

 I learned that you should play hard and work hard.   Our house was always filled with people and love.   It was amazing how she would extended family for years....we share a queen size bed together and we would whisper bedtime stories and talk until we both feel asleep.

Today, I am so grateful to have my grandma....I know she is getting older and I want to appreciate every day of her life because I only have one grandma.   I love her so.   So congratulates to my grandma Vilma Theresa Roach for adding another years onto your plate.

UnAshamed Love

I am not ashamed of my love for you.  I am not ashamed to worship you - Unknown Author

How many times I thought just by worshiping, crying and praising God... it would display of my love for Christ and to other.   As I sang to myself I am unashamed unashamed.........was I really unashamed?

The last couple of weeks, God has released me from a place of comfort to yet again "the land of unknown".
If I go back to my past, I am aware that He has all intentions of USING my testimony to encourage others who are in a place of confusion.   Should I follow this path of righteous or the path of enemy?
I know God wants me to testify that even when I fell/got hurt/was depressed...The Lord always has my back.    I want to authentically be real....the road is scary....the road is lonely...but the road is worth it!!   I rather be a Christians over knowing that when I leave this earth I will be in living in hell.

But to be honest, I have grown accustom to my ministry, to my church membership and no this entitlements which come with being a leader.   To now, being the new kid on the block....but God knows I am no new kid and that I am ready to preach about his goodness via internet, in person, on my blog, and just unashamed!!

Who wants to start all over especially when you feel as if you have developed relationships and served faithfully as well as willingly.   But in the back of my head, I feel like I deserve to PROVE something to others.    I am really being unashamed???  Or is this just my pride or me being disobedient to God's will?   Well, it is because there is nothing I need to do but Love my neighbor and serve the Lord with my whole heart.

The Jesus I served does not have to prove anything to anyone because He is Who is He is because HE IS......So in my new journey of change in my ministry (church life) I am ready to meet new faces, talk about how wonderful the Lord has bless me and my family and continue to be that different Christian.... the young shepherd boy David.    The hidden king amongst his brothers.......I pray that Lord uses me as I am but groom me into the women of many purposes.

Please send me some encouraging thoughts and/or comments!!  As I will continue to pray for you and your family!!

You are totally in control, Love!!

Last weekend, I went through a breakthrough.  I have heard the word breakthrough many of times in gospel songs and from pastors but I have never really understood the term.

But last weekend, I went through a BREAKTHROUGH.   I can only explain through my own experience.  But I went through a change in my soul....from feeling like I was stuck, responsible for everyone else lives, never being able to move into my dreams or my purpose and i just felt chained in the normalcy of life.     I went this freeing moment when I decided to believe what I was promised to me by the Lord Jesus Christ.

As the blind man scales fell from his eyes after Jesus touched them with mud....so were my scales of doubt, shame, depression, and lack of growth!!  I decided that it was my time and no one waiting for stuff to happen.     But once I said it to myself....it seemed like it was so simple until an hour later.....the FEAR came in.  LOL

I got so scared of leave my comfortability...what if what if settled in.     Well thank God for church!

As I entered church after 3 months hiatus.   I just wanted to be spectator, you know take my time to open up once again and to just be like everyone else.  I didn't want to be different.  

God decided to burst my bubble once again to remind me that He is in FULL control.

I watched the Pastor digest and spit out the Word to a point that I was like dang I want to be this kind of preacher one day.  The pastor was so on point that the Holy ghost fell and he started to prophetize.   At first, I was a little screwed face because I usually can spot false prophets a mile away.  But everything he towards others seemed to be towards me.  I just decided to listen....better yet I stated taking notes to cover up that fact that God was talking to me through the Pastor.   I kept hearing Walking it out.....letting go the shackles on your feet...Loose demons chains off of your feet.      I kept on writing down since it didn't seem like God was talking to me through the Pastor and then a women sitting in front of me turned around got out of her seat and walked towards me......remember I am in church....remember that the congregation is about roughly 150 people.....remember that the pastor was preaching and prophetizing.......all I remembered hearing....Hey YOU God is calling YOU to WALK now.....!!! 

I know that many of times, we Christians, do the exercise of being a good Christian.....We go to church, we read our Bibles and we might even praise or we might worship but we cannot forget that God knows our heart, our soul and HE knows US.   We cannot pretend with Him.   

I needed for God to put me in the spotlight to release those my scales that had blinded me from my future!  I needed for them to fall so I could grow.   I needed for the Lord to let me know that He has been watching me all this time.  I needed to hear from the Lord that He has always been with me and He heard my laughter and cries.  


I needed to know that my Father was in total control.

You are totally in control, Love!!

Keep on my love....loving

Recently, I have been feeling discouraged about love.  Why am I going through so much hurt and pain due to others not loving me in the same matter.   During one of my moments with God that He clearly said, " Keep on my love..loving!!

What does that MEAN? I SCREAMED? LOL  Keep on my love loving?


When I don't understand what God is trying to say I usually go to the Bible or continue to pray on the situation but The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 - Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.  Do everything in love."

A Hard pill to swallow when someone in your inner circle does not do the same....Do everything in love.
During an mentored moment by my aunt, she said something which struck a cord in me.... Do what Christ is requiring of you and more.  God would never leave you nor forsake you.


 In my flesh, I wanted to say but He has but in His Word clearly states He wants ME to  Do Everything in Love.      

I believe that Christ exhibits love on an another level which we will never fully experience on this Earth but at least we can TRY to love unconditionally.

Today, I ask that you Do everything in love. 

I am too afraid to love, Love?

For the past year, God has laid on my heart that I should do two things....create blogs speaking to other women and young girls about my story (testimony) and to inspire others to dig deeper into loving Him, my savior Jesus Christ.

I have been afraid that no one would read, listen or be interested.   You see my story isn't rosy.  No rose petals on the ground but I have years of pain, abuse and just living because God provided me with a promise.   His promise was that I would one day be a blessing to His Kingdom, that I would be in a successful relationships with a man and family, and that one day I would live abundantly.

I became afraid of that promise because what God was asking of me also to be exposed, to be real, to be open and to be honest.  All things that others have never been towards me.

I realized that what if I kept it real or exposed my heart to others or continued to be honest....will Love be there when folks start laughing at me?    Of course, He would but I was too afraid to say what I needed to say because I allowed the enemy to keep me fearful.  Being disobedience to Love is a no-no!!

I thank God for my husband, Mr. Romeo because his relentless pushing has annoyed me at times lol but he saw something in me that I wanted to hidden from the world.    I do have a shy, soft and sensitive side underneath this tough Brooklyn skin.....The biggest reason why I kept myself from this blog!

Because I was too afraid to love, Love?

You see.... I should know better that my God would NEVER leave me nor FORSAKE me.   Especially, when I am fulfilling His promise for my LIFE.  Duh!!!

 I am doing what He has created me to do and I do feel at peace right now.

So as of today, I have placed my entire life into His hands.  I will be writing, expressing and saying what He has asked me to say and do.   For in the end, He will be glorified!!

Awwww Love!!

So I have done a lot of things to Love, I have taken Him for granted, I have fell back in love with Love, turn my back on Love but Guess what Love always awwww loves me!

Recently, I have been re-evaluating my relationship with Love again....you see..... I got married in July and once you enter into a relationship with someone besides Love.   Well, He gets jealous! lol

He wants your attention on Him first and then the love from Him overflows into your relationship with others.

Sometimes I get it all wrong? LOL
I must admit it because my relationship with LOVE aka Jesus was a lil off balanced. But He loved enough to protect from worst, allowed me to lick my wounds and patted me on the butt and told me to keep going.

I am fortunate to have Christ as my savior and I am happy that He loves me even when I am unable to love myself.

I know I am rambling on today but awww Love is amazing.  I will be writing more on my Love.