Purified Love

As I was packing my things for my move, I realized how much I am still holding on to the portion of my past. I was cleaning out most intimate drawer and discovered that I am not as "pure" as the vows I made with the Lord.

My sinful past was deep rooted into sexual immorality and although, I have not broken my vows with the Lord or my "future" husband, I covered past up with clean things.

Matthew 7:6 - Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Sometimes we as saints, try to think for God like God....you seem busy right now, so let me handle this for you....I think I got this!As we try to be God, the Devil sits and watches and creep up in our relationships and our finances and we allow it to happen. We try to protect God instead of the reverse.

I realized that by keeping some of those things in my drawers as a just in case of emergency..... to protect myself....I was not trusting God!

I expected to be weak and for God not to be around to rescue me or "protect" me from my own urges.
I am supposed to be celibate, so why would I need to protect myself and from what? The Lord is my supplier!!

This was another time I had to put 100% trust in the Lord.

Believe me, I was praying like crazy, like dang Jesus I might need this one day lol....but I really don't need anything more than I need Jesus. So Goodbye adios past Hello Future!

As I threw away those things, I felt a sense of relief to this decision. No more hidden closets/drawers. No more allowing the Devil peek a boo aka pandora box attempt.
No more blemishes no more past coming at me from the sidelines.

I am washed in the Blood of Jesus and I want to continue to work on remaining that way but can you say the same?

Is it happening, Love?

You know how you pray for something and when it appears you don't know what to do!
Like Lord is this for me? Like seriously? Something MUST be wrong with that person or the thing? Why NOW? LOL

Well, guess what, I am in that place right now.
I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to guide into the right hands.... as far as my ministries, as far as friends, as far as my careers, as far as being a good mother to Big A, and as far as one day being someone's wife.



For so long - I have been reading this same scripture over and over, " Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path" Psalm 27:11.

But now that I am closer to my prayers being answered, I am feeling tempted to do my own thing.
Like thanks, Jesus for getting me here, but I think I should drive the rest of the way. And the Lord is like huh you are not ready to drive this mega truck!! I will continue you sit down and stop worrying your little head!! Relax yourself LOL

But is it happening, Love? I thank you in advance for your grace and your mercy.

So you ain't got no man, love?

No No and in Spanish NO!!!


I think it must be a foreign to folks, who thought they knew me, to believe that I am SINGLE.
I would consider myself to have been a serial dater or a serious heartbreaker in my unsaved life.

Once I became saved, I felt like I was always defending my walk about how serious I was. Many residue (former partners) kept popping up, testing my realness with flirtation tactics or bringing up my past like hmm, you ain't no nun!

But those folks were hoping that my new lifestyle as a sister in Christ would be a fad. Betting on my failure and luckily for his favor on my life. Well, I made it!! I am making it and only with the grace from my Lord Jesus Christ can I continue to do so such.

No, I don't just want A man. I want to be someone's missing rib! I want an everlasting relationship with my future mate. But as of current, I still got some bags to be delivered to the Salvation Army. lol

My Puss Face

I have been pondering this entry since my two close friend's got married over the weekend.
Like a stratch record, I heard yet again about my puss face. My serious face aka my Mean face aka My Daria face)

My puss face even has nicknames which birthed Brooklyn, Ms Stank and The Black Daria.

I remember as a little kid (4 years old), my mother and grandmother being told,"Wow, she is so serious and quiet." And this concern was really a compliment to my family so I thought yeah keep them happy.

Another flashback, I was eight on a summer vacation in Trinidad. my father entered me into a fashion show contest. My mother protested. She said to my father, " hmm Stacy is going to embarass you? And my father thought she has more clothes than all of these little girls in this village.....she is going to model!


Hence in America, models do not smile while walking down the runaway. I decided I would walk like an American model. I thought my family would be proud. I didn't realize that they had entered me into a GHETTO Trini children contest. With the neck popping and the hips swinging. Needless to say, my dad and mom was not feeling me. I lost to a little girl from a third world country with absolutely no clothes.

I think the official puss face started from there.
I thought smiling was phoney. People only smile when they want something and to appease you...they smile.
So I disliked smiling. I would crack a smile after a good joke but never with a long smile. My doctor once told me you are already getting frown lines on your face....Smile

I was staring at her like huh I am good. Just not planning to smile like a dang fool to make YOU happy. LOL

Majority of the time, my puss face has nothing to do with what I am thinking.
I am usually thinking, hmm I wonder if, I can get that discount from CVS or I hope I am not late for Alex.....you know, nothing BIG!

But the minority of the time, everyone tries to reflect on puss face where I am in another world.
Like Dang, she is mean!
I am not talkative person with strangers....I am sorry, I still believe in not talking to strangers. LOL
I am very shy and a sensitive person. So this is why the statement about my puss face bothers me. Really who smiles all the time except for a clown? And what are you really hiding underneath that mask?

If nothing, then same here....I have a puss face but it is what it is! Now if I steups, rolling my eyes, or a lot of steam coming from my face. Run Forrest Run!! LOL

Dance Love Dance!!

Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.
Forget your worries and submit them thru dance.
Dance yourself into your own greatness.
The Lord is on his throne and he is watching you.....
Dance!

Dance like today is your last day on this earth!
Dance because of your new joy and the promises which have been given to you
Dance, that bitterness off!
Dust your shoulders off and keep your dance going!
Get your dance on!
Dance like David danced.

See only your audience member, Christ!
No one came to see you but him.
oh how amazing is that?
He paid to see you and the price for admission cost was high
His light is shining on the stage.
Dance
The darkness of the auditorium, dimness and you are nervous to dance in front of HIM.
But when the lights came on you missed a step but you kept dancing
He watched your every move and applauded!
He loved your dance
Keep Dancing like David danced!
Dance Dance Dance!!

Forgive me please, Love?

Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?
Our relationship has been strained recently.
I have not been at your feet, asking for your guidance in a while.
I keep wanting not to bother you with my troubles.
I try to do it on my own and not speak with you.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?

Some of my past crept into my present
But I want to remove all of my doubts
I want to love you the way you love me
I want to understand you more
I want to be intimate with you again
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?

Oh how I need to devote more time to you
Oh how I need you so
Can you please forgive me?
Can you please give me one more chance?
I won't say that I won't do it again because I would be lying
but my heart wants to so much prove to you how sorry I am
I want you to know that I don't plan on hurting you again.
Oh how I need your forgiveness, Love?

Stop moving, love!!!

If anyone truly knows me, I am always on the run. I think it has to do with my childhood.
From the age of 12-14 years old, I suffered from loneliness because I was not allowed to go outside. I had to play alone so I was a bit sheltered. I would look out my 7th floor window and streams of envious tears would come down my cheeks cause I wanted to be outside. I felt so different for the rest of the kids. I wanted to fit in.
My puberty stage was very awkward....my feet were too big, my mother gave me a Afro/punk rock hairstyle, skipped a grade so I was in an exclusive class in an all black Middle School... hmm, I didn't have that many friends except for two or three and they were mad quiet.

I decided that I was going to rebel and in my rebellious stage I distanced myself from God.
In my eyes, hmmm why would GOD want me to be unhappy, why would he keep me sad and alone.....why did I deserve this??? Although, it was only HIM who keep my grades were extremely high, gave me favor, who I would talk and share my dreams. I wanted OUT of that relationship.....it seemed boring. Look at everyone's having FUN FUN FUN.....Fun I thought!!


Satan offered me what I thought was a way out, but that way OUT was away from God's kingdom. And hello, do you know I was more sad, depressed, lonely without that relationship I kicked to the curb with my precious Lord. But hey, I was MOVING so I thought.

So while I was on the GO....God was screaming - Wait on me- Stop Moving, Love!! I was not trying to hear HIM. So many things happened in my moving days.....some I have shared already and others which I has been left at the altar. Let God deal with those burdens - I will admit I was not strong enough to fight those battles without God.

I thought enough was enough and wanted to bond back with God. Cause I remember those days just hanging out with him. I was so innocent just happy to be in his presence....so grateful so in love.....dealing with him alone. That's the day I gave my life back to him - God restored my life - I promised God that I would do what was expected of me.

Well, two weeks ago, I felt God saying to me Stop Moving, Love!! Stand Still....Forget about man, your friends, SEEK my FACE!! Stop moving, Love!!

I paused and just distanced myself from folks - intentionally because when I was alone and I didn't have anyone there for me but God!!
But a part of me was being that rebellious fool because I didn't want to be "alone" again. I wanted the lesson to be learned quickly. I wanted to keep it MOVING.

It didn't happen that way....I fell literally and not only did I fall again.....I fell hard and got injured in the process. You see the lesson was that I was getting too "vain", selfish, and showing off on my many blessings in the present and on the future. I was so hyped that my head got a bigger than my shoulders.....I started broading my shoulders and boommm - I fell!! I cannot even say what I was thinking before I fell but it was not Godly!! But that pain become a reminder that the only shoulder that should be broaden is from GOD's not mine.

God said "Let them see you transparently as I do....let them see how beautiful you appear to me......Stop moving, Love!! And SEEK me only. You need to stop moving, stop worrying cause everything is ok cause I got you, stop listening to other people they ain't ME, stop believing the Devil he wants to kill and destroy you, Humble yourself in my sight now......Stop Moving, Love!!

Stop Moving, Love!!

Testimonial Love

So after my testimony on New Year's Eve at church, I was having such a good time. God just anointed me to a point I have never experienced or could express in words. I felt like I was dancing with Jesus just lettting him know how much I LOVE HIM. How much he has brought me through and how he is so amazing. I had my Moses glow after he came out of the mountains lol and my David praise one. I was in that place with Jesus for like three days and then Satan sent his troops back at me in FULL force.

My testimony totally exposed me to so many demonic forces from my past or just a new breed of wickedness.

I felt Satan's presence and I tried to praise the Lord but stimulateously, I was fasting all types of music as well as givin up TV during the weekday (6 months) YIKES.

Well Satan had his opportunity to try to trip me up mentally. He got in for a minute I must admit because my prayer/worship life seemed to suffer because I was able to listen to gospel music. I started feeling a little distant but I kept speaking life into myself by my writings and also my discussions alone.
Finally, yesterday as I was walking into the sanctuary, I asked the Lord for a sign and for his presence to show up in my life in a mighty way. I needed him so much at that time.

As I was sitting in service, I was just listening to everything being done and looking for clues from the Lord to snap me out of my funk. And when I was not even expected it, one of my church friends came over to me during altar call and said come with me.

Oh, how Amazing is my God? How is that possible? He uses people, things and memories to align you back to his Word. Oh, as I cried out to him he answered my prayers. He has never failed me yet. That moment at the altar has allowed me to place all of my issues at his feet. I know he will do all that is supposed to be done. I leave it in his hands completely.

It's a New Year, LOVE

From 10 pm of December 31, 2008 until now, I felt this shift in my spirit of peace. As if I fully gave God FULL control of my life. I just felt him lift off all of the pain, strongholds, the bitterness, resentments, and just my past leave my soul. Oh oh oh how I dance like David for the Lord. Oh how I love him my LOVE so....there is no one more worthy for your deserving praise. Hallejuah!!