Comedic Love

I think when God created me, probably said, "Let's sprinkle some intelligence, some looks lol, a little or oh no I think we might have to use the whole bottle of humor on this one! LOL

Honesty, I remember from the age of 5, I was performing with my friends or my adult extending aunts and uncles who came from Trinidad & Tobago. You see my mother & grandma had more immigrants which bunked in our house more than Harriet Tubman had runaway slaves. lol

It seems that every refugee or "visitor" who arrives in the States lol, would lie to my mother and grandma that they only needed to stay at our house for two weeks to get themselves together. Well, that never happened because they always stayed pass two weeks. Let's say almost 20 years lol
I never had my own bed officially until I was 17, I do believe around that time, sleeping with your grandmother became LAME lol Now you see why I did not have a boyfriend until that age.

But anywho, I would seem quiet around folks but I was paying attention to dialect for jokes, odd features/appearances and etc. I can do a mean impressions of folks around me.
My nickname in which i am most fond of is Crazy Stacy lol. And I checked with my mental health doctor and I am not mental, yet, I just know folks gravitate to my foolishness. LOL Right now, my bed is calling me like R. Kels lol

Dear Love - submission early 2008

Dear Love,

I know you probably would never understand how I feel about you but you should since you are a man of God. Before I was saved, I used to put all of my efforts into the wrong kind of man. Until God rescued me from those strongholds of hurt and pain and lack of trust. I fell back in love with the Lord and in that I fell in love with myself.

But never would i have thought I would have fallen in love with you? It seems as if I met you centuries ago. As if, we were designed JUST for one another.

But again God knows everything that is in my heart so I leave it only in his hands if we were supposed to become a reality. There are times I just get the desire to pray for you.

Sometimes I go into my own dreamland like 'Oh I know the heavens dance every time they see his handsome face.'

But you are not just handsome, you are intelligent, gentle but strong, assertive but down to earth but I forgot to say this you love you some Jesus. Let me say that again lol does everybody know Dear Love, LOVE him some Jesus!! But you know what??? Jesus loves him some Dear Love. It shows in your walk with him.

I look at you in amazement. I pinch myself because you seem so surreal to me. I want you to know that I have prayed for you before you never existed. I prayed for someone just like you and once you appeared I could not believe it.

I would watch your mannerism from afar. It allowed me to see if you were truthful in your walk. I saw you hold babies, worship, and laugh all at the same time with ease. I am so blessed to have met you. You have truly allowed me to witness that there is a God. That God heard my cries, "Oh Lord I have been faithful to you, haven't I? Will I ever find a true Dear Love?"

Mostly likely you will never receive my letter or never know that this letter was only for you, Dear Love.

Before the end of my Love

So I wrote this letter to my future man of God. I would read it and start crying. It was so beautiful and really exposed my love for the man who does exist but doesn't exist in my life as of yet. As I wait for him but not urging for him because I feel his existence. I became afraid to share my feelings with others.
I have a hard time sharing my feelings because the wrong people have tried to use it for their advantage. Now I feel the Lord nudging me to share my letter to everyone. Oh I wish I never wrote it lol but it was my true feelings on paper.
I used to be so afraid to open up and allow others to know what I was feeling.

I was a nerd all of my life , my last name allowed me to be constantly teased and I was always considered cute like a puppy. I had some self-esteem issues for most of elementary until HS when I just decided that enough was enough.
I remember looking at the mirror at 12 saying look at you. you are so ugly nobody would want you. It took years and years of tragedy in my life for me to identify myself as beautiful and worthwhile for a man spending the rest of his life with me.
Yes, I was married but I knew it was not going to be forever. I knew that from the day he proposed. Any who I am still avoiding the submission. I will place it on here but I will need your comments afterwards. Peace and blessing.

Confessional Love

Recently, I have been confessing my love for Jesus more but only to him. I have been embarassed to say this. But I start off with a small praise which ends up with me crying, snotty nose but filled with joy. The Lord has done some amazing things with me in JUST one year. Can you believe he has been using me like clay? Molding me into his designed beauty.


He pulled me out of a failed relationships, a nervous breakdown, meaningless job, no employment, brought me closer to him!! And all was through my trust in him!! All things seem possible now. But my confessions have been so important to me. I feel my life blossoming, my life in his hands and just his blessings on my life. Oh how I praise him! Oh how he has sustained me!!! Oh how he has protected me from diseases and other illnesses which could have taken my life!!! Oh how he has taken me from being a sinner with his grace and mercy on my life.

I confess to him all the trials and tribulations that he saw me go thru but he knew and knows he got a better situation for me. I pray he uses me at his will. I follow with absolute submission. I cry out to him use me LORD use me!! My weariness is nothing cause it is temporary. I know I have you!!

Waiting for Love

I have been feeling confused how I receive or am I prepared to receive my man of Gawd if he were to walk into my life right now.
The answer is no - most likely he could be in my life right now and I know for a fact I am not prepared for him. With all of my materialistic blessings, I know that's not enough for my man of Gawd. I know in my heart that he is not in prepared for me as well. I know he is working on being a blessing to our future children as well as to me. His preparation is occurring simulateously with mine. We both are in preparation mode.

But at the same time, the DEVIL, hmm he is trying to bring people, things and etc to move us away from the Kingdom as well as what has already been designed by God.
This weekend, I remember hearing the Devil whisper hmm you need to get a man soon cause hmm your egg is going to dry up and you will end up making a disabled baby. I got a quick feeling of wow that might.....and then the story about Sarah and Elizabeth popped up into my mind.
And I fell back like no the Devil look what "your" planning did to my life....I got married at an early age, I had my son although he is a blessing. I planned ahead of God cause it was all about me me me. God forgave me but at the same time I am still hard on myself for I don't want to go there again.

Recently, I am fellowship with more Christian men and developing friendships and I keep hearing the Devil whisper to me...you know he is not interesting in you unless you do such and such or why don't you say something or you are in the single ministry for life, never will you break that curse!!
I dispell that existence on my life. I know that waiting on the Lord is the only option I have. I keep looking at my past and that it is the most SCARIEST thing to me. I cannot go back to those days. I refuse there is nothing in my past as far as relationships that would make me what to go backwards.
I am just waiting patiently.

Hope/Faith Love

On Sunday, I was listening to a conversation from a saint at church, who stated Hope, Jesus and her are TIED to the hip. As I was being nosey, I wondered if thought about her faith as well.
And then I also thought about myself. The word hope to me always was like saying maybe it could happen. And since I am visionary - I love dreaming and very optimistic about everything I rather say it going to happen than say I hope it happens. I know it was very individualistic. As my walk with Jesus, straighten and my faith expanded I realized that my hope is waiting on the Lord's blessing for my life. I am a mere puppet and he is the puppet master!

Used to have a list of hope or wish for my life; like I hope to have 2 to 3 more kids, to get married again, to own a better house, to get a Jaguar, to go to Africa, to travel around the world before I am 50, to see my great grandchild marry.......on and on!! A lot of hoping but when I think about my faith in Jesus. I know that he already know my list of hopes and whether or not he allows them to come to fruition is unimportant to me. Just knowing he has everything under control is exciting. I am in GOOD hands like Allstate lol